15th March 2010: This Lesson cost me a bomb and I don noe when can I completely repay it.
I would not say I’m totally innocent as if i tell my dad abt my vacation trip, he will be able to advise me earlier. But I wasnt aware of anything at all! Felt so stressed up when I realised I cant get things settled before we depart. That day drained me out. Never did I felt this way before, not even during my A levels. Unfortunately, no one seems to understand how I’m feeling. Already felt inferior, useless and dumb, additional factors tore my hearts apart. I could hardly breathe at that moment, I wished I would have fainted right away.
I know crying doesnt resolve everything so I endured, trying to control my tear glands. Maybe it is during harsh conditions that we learn to become stronger. But why is it always me? Havent I gone through enough? I would always ask.
I need time to get over this. The more you cherish and love, the bigger the pain you will experience. Its not the money that does the evils, but something else. I would say I’m a money-minded person, always very calculative with my parents but I wont do this to my friends. So I felt anguished and devastated when this happens to me. I don noe what to do, I don want to lose my friends but they are hurting me…
I know they have no choice too and I totally felt so sorry. However, their inability to show any sympathy made come to a realization.
For now. I’ll just treat it as a lesson learnt. A hard lesson learnt. I’ll have to be more ‘knowledgeable’ abt everything!